letters from the ladies

America has responded to my crys for help!

after being given the green light to start the long road back to "normal", I have started my training. with the soundtrack of "Rocky" playing in the background and me rehabing to "The Matrix" fight scenes....I will get better.

I know i dont want to get SINBADED. Yes...im sorry to write comedian Sinbad died of a heart attack. the man who made us giggle in the flick House Guest has passed away. now he can be unnessary rough in heaven with richard jeni. ok back to me.

Fan mail is pouring in. Over the years i have made friends with adult movie stars. rumors fly on the internet that i was on my death hammock....or worse yet died in a hollywood bath tub. im alive and semi well. some buddy asked me "when do you think you will be 100% again"? i havnt been 100 percent since i was 14 years old! well i have to go, its time for my 12 hour icecream cake dose. always finish your medicine...even if you feel better AND Never Skip A Dose!!!
bax

Update- Sinbad is alive...only his carear is dead. sorry for any confusion!

feel my forehead.....is it warm. Lower, Lower

Some of you will reconize this map as level 4 from a "Lord of The Rings" fantasy board game.



The truth is its a high res scan of my Rectum. the tressure is buried by the dark woods.


Big news today.....no sorry im not cured. first, i have a cold! YES A COMMON COLD! with all the crap happing to me lately.............i hadnt come down with a cold or the flu. HELLO, now i have a cough and runny nose. Im going to call in sick today. ahh ha ha. bad news i cant take any "good" meds to clear up my ailments.
the other news of the day....sit down blog readers. I WENT DOWNSTAIRS TODAY!!! i havnt gone to the lower level, where my bedroom is...in 3 months. it was like xmas morning. i was staring at my vast dvd porn collection. a tear left my eye and landed on my coveted copy of "Asshole fever 7, the lost nanny tapes"! according to my buddy and backed up by webmd.com, if a person is healthy enough to climb stairs....they are healthy enough for sex! Today the basement, tommorow the BUTT.
bax

Feeding the furnace

Shit....heres a couple things I miss. enjoying a sundae as a confused 18 year old waitress looks on, and two handing some 80 proof "medicine"!

These days i treat myself to turkey burgers....and diet 7up. when i feel Crazy......I nibble on a meatball. NAUGHTY BAXTER, NAUGHTY!!! Today i went to Walgreens and walked the isles. I used the cart as a "walker". im still amazed at the 80 year old fella burning past me to get his Colon cleaner meds. The pharmacist made a joke "hello mr. baxter, what new pill are you on this week"? I said xanax.

i sat in the backyard today to soak up some sun, atleast with a tan my illness could be chalked up to mental. then something happened that reminded me of a time before being sick. The sweet roar of a leaf blower under the supervision on a tiny brown man with no teeth. yes...monday is lawn day. i moved my rehab inside. All i need is a stray rock taking out an eye.
I saw yesterday Comedian Dick Jeni shot himself in the face. one less unfunny person angry at the world. why be a pussy and kill yourself. drive to the local fruit market, put a brick on the gas pedal and take some Vegans with you.
bax