My News Conference

Today a news conference was held to brief the world on my mystery illness. It didn't get the same coverage as the Anna Nicole Smith smelly body raffle.

As I write this blog entry.....i must say, im drug free with a clear head.(It sucks). I mention this for future Living Will Entries. Cardiologist signed off on my 3 stress tests. neurologist has said my spinal tap came negative for all the bad stuff! SO all answers lie with my Endocronologist. when i was in the 2nd grade i had trouble with my adrenal gland. i was diagnosed with "Poucocious Pueperty" mispelled but well understood. i had the balls and pubes of a 16 year old kid. and yes ive been "trimming my bush" ever since.

My symptoms are priceless....and in any other situation, would be hilarious. a fat round head called"Moonface face". a clump of mass on your back called "buffalo Hump" who comes up with these "medical" terms. years ago i thought i had "MEATLOAF FOOT"....however it turned out to be a chubby big toe. irritability is another sign of Cushings. i know...we ALL have the "Cush Rage" ha ha. big ones are high blood pressure, muscle weakness and Severe Fatigue and insomnia. in january i was sleeping 3 hours and watching tv the rest of the time. i earned an associates degree in enginering and cooking from checking out the science, food channels and treating myself to the A-Team reruns.

UPDATE....Its Not Cushings!!!
bax

How the mighty have fallen

My names Baxter and this is my story. In the past ten years I have done things most people only dream of...or not! I have performed stand up comedy in front of thousands of people, been on TV & in movies. Ran on the field at a Brewers MLB game, purchased sex from a hooker, ate lunch with Danny Devito, jumped in a wisconsin lake naked on new years day, and yes....partied at the Playboy Mansion.



These two pictures say alot. A year ago I was at a Pussy Party. the past 2 months I have been in and out of the hospital with high blood pressure and muscle fatigue.

Heres a quick recap. In the past six months I've lost my job, had jury duty, enjoyed a mystery illness, AND been notified of a 2004 audit. Nothing makes you appreciate friends and family more than enjoying a shit turkey dinner on thanksgiving hooked up to hoses & machines while watching a "Dog the Bountyhunter" marathon. HOWEVER.....The biggest hospital letdown was the lack of hot asian nurses who want to suck cock. i've been watching porn for 25 years now & was lead to believe medication was given to patients via the "mouth/penis delivery" system!

no one offered to shampoo my beard of failure.
Before being discharged i was told to quit.....Chewing Tobacco, caffiene, booze, sodium and sex. *special note* the last 2 vices are the most painful. theres nothing like eating a bag of chips and then pulling a chicks hair! I will be posting this blog often with my health updates and attempts to date nurse's.
bax

Coping with symptoms of rage

AngRY SquaRe WheeLS

For those of you playing the "He might be a LOSER" game at home....here are the facts. im 35, unemployed, and have some odd medical condition that is yet diagnosed. my hope now is to be able to have a disease named after me. ahh Baxterea; a buddy suggested nothing good ends in "rea". your butthole will back up my story!!


So lastAugust i visited Phoenix from my basecamp in LA. i was house sitting for a friend.I put myself on the Atkins diet and started riding an exercise bike. son of a bitch...I lost 60 pounds. bobby baxter now stands(ok lays) at 198#. then in November i got sick. now im recording my daily events in hopes of making the vp of programming at the Hallmark Channel cry.
bax